Home Odds & Ends Barrel DATELINE: 06/17/2010 - From the Front Lines
DATELINE: 06/17/2010 - From the Front Lines PDF Print E-mail
Written by Thomas Bardenwerper   
Friday, 18 June 2010 13:29

Attack of the KILLER Hop Plants!
Don't run, there's no safe place to hide.  The hops are coming!  They're moving several inches a day upward and outward at an alarming and unrelenting pace.  On the front lines, our forces have cut back the beasts' unwieldy tentacles multiple times, only to have them return in greater number and ferocity.  At our every stronghold, the enemy meets us head-on with a seemingly unstoppable assimilation of ground and sky with their bristly green tendrils of death.  These images, taken from the battle zone at 2300 hours Zulu time, 06/17/2010 show just how massive the enemy forces have become, including undermining the stability of our incursion line's West flank.  Close-up reconnaissance photos show the Medusa-like flora are in the early stages of reproduction.  They must be stopped!   Our plan is to seize these replicating cells or "flowers" before final gestation and an otherwise inevitable encroachment to World domination. 

Make no mistake, stopping these creatures will be difficult and complex.  The enemy is determined and resilient.  Our best known method of neutralization involves multiple levels of defense and eradication techniques.  The reproductive cells must first be physically extracted from the mother bine - an extremely dangerous infiltration mission, left only to volunteers who understand the risks.  The replicating flowers must then be quickly expelled of their fluids.  Finally, these partially neutralized "dormant" replicators must be boiled in an acid solution of malt carbohydrates and proteins in order to render them neutralized.  Men, we CAN do this.  Don't let these insidious invaders from an old world win.  Join us in the fight!

Additional reconnaissance images may be obtained for counterstrike preparation at this location.


The creatures overtaking our front-line defenses.  Our Western flank (left-most structure) is already straining from the mass of the creature's invasion force.



Close-up reconnaissance photo of invader's replication "flowers."  These MUST be exterminated using our best known means of neutralization!